Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
