i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
