my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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