My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize