his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
