ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
