I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
