Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
