you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
