we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I'm bleeding and have questions
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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