I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize