he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
