I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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