My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
