im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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