Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
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