he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
