I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
