Can i not drive my cunt home
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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