I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
