What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
