I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
