it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
