i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
