8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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