dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
