FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
