So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
