My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
