drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
