no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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