every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
