If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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