Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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