The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
