didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
