sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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