let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
