I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
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