how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
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