I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
