She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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