I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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