Whod you bang
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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