Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
