I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
