this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Pants are for mortals
Randomize