But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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