Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
