On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
