sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
