but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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