another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Who died my cat blue again?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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