Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
false alarm. still invincible.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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