Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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