Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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