did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
