my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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