I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
