so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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