I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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