i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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