just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
