So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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