textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
