haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
