the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
