Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
