I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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